In this episode, life coach Sade Curry shares her remarkable journey from self-doubt to empowerment. Her story of overcoming cultural expectations, navigating divorce, and finding her true calling offers valuable insights for African women seeking personal and professional growth. Sade's experiences provide a roadmap for transforming adversity into opportunity and embracing one's authentic self.
You will learn:
How to redefine success as an African woman beyond traditional career paths
How to rebuild faith and self-identity after divorceÂ
How to overcome self-doubt and build confidence as a woman in business
How to transform personal trauma into a successful coaching career
How to use self-reflection to shape your destiny and empower your future
What We Discuss:
00:01 - Introduction
02:10 - Breaking Cultural Expectations
06:40 - Faith, Marriage, and Self-Discovery
15:25 - Transitioning to Life Coaching
19:38 - Overcoming Self-Doubt and Imposter Syndrome
26:21 - The Power of Visualization and Mindset Shifts
36:18 - Using Personal Trauma for Growth
44:13 - Facing Your Truth
52:40 - Connecting the Dots: Childhood to Present
57:36 - Sade’s Greatest AccomplishmentsÂ
01:01:34 - Thoughts on Destiny
01:03:47 - Final Advice: Bet on Yourself
Connect with Sade Curry
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Website Â
Episode Resources
Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson
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00:01 - 00:38
Lola: Hello everyone, welcome to the Kada'a Woman podcast, the podcast dedicated to amplifying the often overlooked success stories of remarkable African women who are barrier breakers, status quo challengers, and changemakers around the world. I'm your host, Lala Shiba Harris. So imagine a Nigerian girl who grows up to be the good Christian woman. I'm sure some of you can identify with that. But only to find her life taking unexpected turns that lead her to challenge societal norms and redefine success on her own terms. Today, we're diving into the inspiring journey of Sade Curry. We'll explore her transition from
00:38 - 01:07
Lola: self-doubt to self-assurance, her unique approach to visualizing success, and her insights on faith and relationships that challenge conventional wisdom. Sade's journey from self-doubt to becoming a thriving life coach is nothing short of remarkable. So get ready to be inspired by another Kadara woman. Listen in. Well, Shade, it's really great to see you again. Thank you for being on the Kadara Woman podcast.
01:08 - 01:12
Sade C.: Hi Lola. So good to be here. Good to see you again.
01:12 - 01:37
Lola: Yes. I'm actually really, really excited about the conversation I'm about to have. I know I met you on actually Clubhouse, which is a new platform that's taking everyone by storm. And you know, you I think you spoke in the room. I was like, this, this woman's interesting. Then I think I looked at your bio and like, she's Nigerian. Oh, my goodness. Definitely need to connect with this woman. And of course we did connect and now we're here today. So again, just thank you, thank you for your time.
01:37 - 01:41
Sade C.: Yeah, thank you for having me. It's my honor to be here. Thanks for connecting.
01:42 - 02:09
Lola: Yeah, oh yes, I mean, thank you. So I know a little bit about what you do. So I'm trying to figure out the best way we dive into it. And so maybe what we could start with is as a Nigerian woman, we all know that we all got the memo from our African parents about the 4 jobs they're supposed to do after, you know, when you go to college, those 4 jobs, accountant, engineer, lawyer, doctor, anything else? Yeah, so based on that, how would you describe what you do today?
02:10 - 02:44
Sade C.: Not 1 of the 4. For sure. Oh my gosh, yeah, the work that I do, I'm a life coach. So for the listeners, I am a life coach. I help women who have been divorced date and get married again. So for sure, that is not 1 of the checkboxes that Nigerian parents want you to fill. But I actually see it as I was always called to do this, in 1 form or another. It's not like I was called to get divorced so that I could do this. I always knew I wanted to do work that helped
02:44 - 03:13
Sade C.: people. At 19, I was like, I want to be a motivational speaker. Like I knew it, I said it, like I was like, I want to be like Oprah, right? But I didn't know how to get from point A to point B. So it was just always like, okay, well, I studied engineering, you know, at the University of Lagos. So it was always like, well, you'll study engineering, but then you'll help people on the side. And that was kind of always the thought. There was never any thought that I would be doing this full time like
03:13 - 03:48
Sade C.: I am now. Like this would be my career. Like I would get up in the morning, I would write, I would speak, I would go on zoom calls and help my clients. That was not I would record my podcast. That was not a thing. Right. It was always meant to be a side hustle because the culture was just always so strong in their voicing that you had to do what was approved of. So actually, if you look at my family, my mom has 4 children, the oldest is an architect, my older brother is a doctor, I
03:48 - 03:57
Sade C.: was supposed to be the engineer, which I got out of that as quickly as possible. But I went into IT. So it was kind of like a segment. Then my younger sister is a lawyer.
03:57 - 04:00
Lola: Well, so you checked 3 out of 4. And they locked down.
04:00 - 04:02
Sade C.: Well, the architect is pretty sweet,
04:02 - 04:11
Lola: too. It is. So You know, fun story. I'm actually an engineer. Well, I used to be an engineer. So I'm actually curious what kind of engineer you are. And my brother's an architect too.
04:11 - 04:13
Sade C.: Nice. I studied chemical engineering.
04:13 - 04:14
Lola: Me too.
04:14 - 04:16
Sade C.: Oh my gosh. So fun.
04:16 - 04:23
Sade C.: Because you know, oil companies, hello. That was supposed to be our ticket to wealth and glory.
04:23 - 04:39
Lola: Yep, yep. Yeah. But I was a rebel. I actually went to food route with my engineering degree, which everyone around me was going oil and gas. So that's a story for another day. But it's funny that you got into engineering and I got into engineering and we're both not doing engineering today.
04:39 - 05:09
Sade C.: So. I hated it the whole way. So my first year was great because you're taking your general ed classes. I had a 3.7 GPA. I was like, cause it was all general stuff. It was all English had 2 English classes. It was great. Second year, okay, things were starting to get just a little bit real. Okay, like separation and chemistry. I still I love chemistry and physics. But all the chemical engineering classes that started to come in by my third year, it was over. I was like,
05:11 - 05:12
Lola: but we finished, which
05:12 - 05:13
Sade C.: I didn't finish.
05:13 - 05:15
Lola: Oh, you, oh, you switched to it.
05:15 - 05:20
Sade C.: I, I did not finish. So I left Nigeria. So I went and did my internship.
05:21 - 05:21
Lola: Okay.
05:21 - 05:50
Sade C.: I wasn't supposed to go because my GPA was so low. They told me that you should probably stay and retake some of these classes and I was like, I'm out. Out. So I knew I had like a get out of jail free card. So I'm a USC, I was natural born US citizen. So I was just like, okay, I'm going to go for this internship, use those 6 months to find my way out of Nigeria, because this is not working for me. Right. And so during that period, you know, got my passport, applied to college here,
05:51 - 05:56
Sade C.: to study communications, and then made the transition. So I never went back after after my internship.
05:57 - 06:24
Lola: So that's good. Actually, you saw the way out pretty quickly. Some of us actually stayed all the way to the end. But I think same thing 30 years, I was already like, this is not for me. So I started finding none, oil and gas routes and food, food being food. I was like, oh, I think I can make food work. And that's how I transitioned into that. So I've actually read this about you and I thought it sounded really, really confident. I loved it. And you said, and I quote, my life's work is to help every
06:24 - 06:39
Lola: woman gain freedom from fairs, toxic relationships and emotional blocks, holding her back from success and the love relationship filled of love, laughter, teamwork, and joy. When did you realize that was your path?
06:40 - 07:16
Sade C.: Oh, my goodness. Well, for sure, it was after my divorce. So I guess we're gonna get into that now. So, wow, where do I begin? I was your quintessential good girl. Like I was the Christian girl. I became a born again Christian when I was 13. So it was like, listen, I was to me, coming from a dysfunctional background, you know, there was just a lot of drama in my family, my childhood, just it was all there. So to me getting born again, about age 13 was like this, to me, that was the way out. That
07:16 - 07:51
Sade C.: was like, okay, the reason my parents and their siblings and everybody's having all this trouble is because they're not born again. And that's what we were taught was like, yeah, if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you do all the things, you will have success. I mean, of course, overachiever. I was ready. I did the Bible memorization, the meditation, get up at 5 in the morning, go on the rooftop of the dormitory on campus to pray in tongues. You know, I was head of prayer for my fellowship. I was the girl who got everybody
07:51 - 08:27
Sade C.: baptized in the Holy Ghost. Being a virgin when I got married was not even a question. It was like, how would that not be the case? Like, you know, so I mean, I checked all the boxes. Honestly, I checked all the boxes and it still didn't work out. Like the guy was a Christian, it did not work out. Like character wise, so many things came together to create like the perfect storm of, how do I put it? Like not facing reality. And I think that's 1 of my challenges with the evangelical movement as it's been presented.
08:27 - 09:03
Sade C.: And it continues to be presented is that It's rooted in these theories and these traditions that have just been passed down that are not rooted in how life actually works. And they continue to claim that, well, if you believe it will work that way. Right. So reality doesn't matter If you just believe that those things will work. Well, I know from personal experience 100% that that's not how it works. Because when it came to faith, when it came to believing, I was the girl. Like I've laid hands on people and they've gotten healed. I've done all
09:03 - 09:39
Sade C.: the things, right? So I know that there is an element missing. And after I got divorced, and I, because divorce actually for me represented not just a crisis in my family, it represented a crisis of faith. Because the church I was going to at the time was not supportive. They were just going down this other path of conspiracy theories, racism. It was just a mess. And so I started looking at my faith for myself. And I actually found that the Bible itself lays out reality. So the reality of my experience getting married to the person I
09:39 - 10:14
Sade C.: got married to the my blind spots, what I could have done differently, they're actually laid out in the Bible. They're just not preached. Because pastors and preachers continue to regurgitate just what they've been taught. They don't have the critical thinking or maybe they do and they just want to conform. I don't know why they're not doing it, But I mean, I can give you an example. After example, as to why what's being taught to women, or around marriage is actually not even biblically accurate. So an example is the Proverbs 31 woman, wow, that we were taught
10:14 - 10:24
Sade C.: to be to strive to be. First of all, Proverbs 31 was not written to a woman, was written to a
10:24 - 10:26
Lola: man. Interesting.
10:27 - 10:53
Sade C.: So the book of Proverbs was actually written to a prince. Like, hey, you're gonna lead a kingdom 1 day, This is how you should conduct yourself. These are the people you're going to come across. This is how you can recognize a cruel man. This is how you recognize a wicked man. This is how you should behave. And this is how you should pick a wife. How many men, right? Can taught Proverbs 31? How many men get taught
10:53 - 10:55
Lola: Proverbs 31? None.
10:55 - 11:31
Sade C.: What happens is the Proverbs 31 is taken to the woman. You need to be this or you won't be picked as a wife. But the other part that's missing, so that's 1 error in theology, first of all. The second error in theology is the man who gets to pick the Proverbs 31 woman is the man who conforms to Proverbs 1 through 30. If you read the whole thing in context. Okay. Now, nobody goes to the woman to say, hey, your requirement is Proverbs 31, even though that's theologically wrong, but I'll allow it. I'll allow it. You
11:31 - 11:38
Sade C.: conform to Proverbs 31. The man needs to conform to Proverbs 1 through 30. Where have you ever heard that?
11:38 - 11:41
Lola: Not personally, I haven't. I haven't been to church ever since. You never
11:41 - 11:42
Sade C.: heard it.
11:43 - 11:50
Lola: Right. I never heard it. Right. It's always a Proverbs 31. Like you said, it's in the perspective of the woman. Right. Or it's preached to the woman.
11:50 - 12:10
Sade C.: If I had been taught that, my ex-husband would not have met the cut. He was nowhere near a Proverbs 1-30 man. Like, oh my God, it would have been so easy for me to see, OK, I'm out. This is not the guy. And it's such a, this is not even a deep revelation. This is a revelation that's lying on the surface. You know how they tell you to dig deep. You're a Christian, right?
12:10 - 12:11
Lola: I am.
12:11 - 12:11
Sade C.: Yeah, you know
12:11 - 12:12
Lola: how they tell you
12:12 - 12:24
Sade C.: to dig deep into the Word and find the deep revelation. This is not a deep revelation. This is just who was this book written to and what was the purpose of the book? You don't even need the Holy Spirit to see that.
12:24 - 12:25
Lola: Critical thinking, basically.
12:26 - 13:00
Sade C.: Critical thinking. Yeah, just the historical context of the book. And so going through so many, like re-reading the Bible from the context of, okay, what went wrong in my life? Where was God when it happened? I was able to see, Oh my God, it wasn't God. He wrote the truth, but these people just continue to preach it in a way that suits their purposes, that continues to perpetuate the culture and the scenarios that they prefer. And so that's, that's that. So I forget how I got to this. Oh yeah, you quoted what I said. So Yeah,
13:00 - 13:14
Sade C.: it represented a crisis of faith. And so when I started to have those revelations on my own, like starting to understand, because I went on a journey to truly see what went wrong in my life. Like I was so in my mind, I was not on track for what happened
13:15 - 13:16
Sade C.: I was not on track for a divorce. I was not on track for the kind of person my ex-husband turned into during the divorce, even the person that he was during the marriage. Like that was not my trajectory. So when I reopened my eyes and I said, okay, no, actually this is where you ended up. You thought it was not your trajectory, but this is where you ended up. You thought it was not your trajectory, but this is where you ended up. I kind of retraced my steps to ask myself, what did I miss? And when I saw
13:39 - 13:46
Sade C.: all the things that I missed and I filled in all the holes, my vision then was, I want to make sure other women know this.
13:46 - 14: 18
Sade C.: I want to make sure other women know this. I want to make sure other women know they don't have to. They can tell, they can take a guy that they're dating and they can run him through an evaluation grid from Proverbs 1 through 30. And if he doesn't match up to it, they really need to say no. No, you don't get a Proverbs 31 woman. You are a cruel person. If you're a wicked person, if you are, there's that proverb that says a madman will joke and say he was just, he will throw barbs, verbal barbs and say he was just joking,
14:18 - 14:51
Sade C.: which is like a sign of verbal abuse. Like if a man shows up like all these things, he doesn't get to say he wants a Proverbs 31 woman. It doesn't matter if he's a pastor. It doesn't matter if he's wealthy. It doesn't matter what all these outer trappings are that we're told to look for, teaching women to have that emotional strength to say, I deserve better. And if you're with someone who is abusive, to say, you know what, it's okay for me to leave and to stop interpreting the verse that says God hates divorce as some
14:51 - 15:02
Sade C.: kind of hold over the woman to stay to be abused or to you know experience this you shouldn't be experienced or to have herself held hostage to someone else's desires.
15:02 - 15:05
Lola: Yeah like a life sentence basically.
15:05 - 15:05
Sade C.: Yeah.
15:05 - 15:08
Sade C.: Yeah. And so scripture was never meant for that.
15:09 - 15:23
Lola: So basically, and I love that. I love that you actually went into the impetus for your story because it was the Genesis of, of your life coaching business. And I guess, so how do you refer to yourself as a relationship coach or a divorce coach? What's the true?
15:25 - 15:56
Sade C.: I am not a hundred percent sure. I Go by life coach. My niche, if you want to put a label on it, is dating after divorce. So everything that comes under that, it's interesting that a lot of times women will come to me wanting to date and then we get into her life and we find out that, oh, there's all these other things going on. And then we work on that. Some women end up realizing that they wanna get their finances together. They wanna build a business. Some healing is always a component of everything that I
15:56 - 16:17
Sade C.: do. Mindset coaching is a component of it as well. Then the actual dating strategy is also a component of it. But every once in a while, there are these little rabbit trails that I will go on with the client just because she has a very unique need that comes up in the path of dating or self-discovery basically.
16:17 - 16:59
Lola: Yeah, I think there's something to be said about you using your pain to bring joy to other people. And obviously that's basically translated into what you're doing today. And so another thing though, if I had to take you back on this journey, cause you initially said that you wanted to be a motivational speaker when you were 19, right? But you also have this, let's see, history about you, of always taking care of people and going extra extra miles. So I know you used to homeschool. Yeah, I know that you used to be a foster parent to 3 kids. And you also were an adoptive parent to 3 kids. And on top of that, like that wasn't impressive enough. You actually took something called noetic counseling, which I had to go Google.
16:59 - 17:10
Sade C.: Oh my God. Noetic counseling. Yes. Oh, do not. Oh my God. That is, that's a no. That's a no. That whole movement is like.
17:11 - 17:27
Lola: Yeah. But the whole point of me bringing up though is that you took these extra steps to make yourself a better person, to help other people. And so out of all of them, I'm curious to know why. Why was that important for you to go that extra mile and basically have a household of 10 people?
17:28 - 18:43
Sade C.: Right. So There are 2 aspects of it. There are 2 sides to it. 1 side is I, because of my history and my dysfunctional childhood, I went on a journey in a sense to fix the world, which that will happen when you grow up in a world that's kind of like, oh, things are off kilter. So there's an element of wanting to help people. So a lot of people who are in helping professions are in helping professions because they have a wound. It's the concept of the wounded healer archetype. Right? And so in order to heal their own wounds, the wounded healer will try to heal other people, which is not really the healthiest way to heal your wound. And so sometimes those wounded healers end up forcing people to want to be healed. It can really, it can go down some toxic paths. It can put you into places of denial. So like while I was helping the whole world, I also had blinders on when it came to my marriage and what was happening and how my dysfunctional childhood led into the marriage that I had.
18:43 - 18:44
Lola: Wow.Â
18:44 - 19:08
Sade C.: So you were helping but also dealing with this brewing crisis at the time, which you didn't see. Ignoring. Ignoring.But not consciously, just subconsciously. In fact, helping was a distraction from the real crisis that was in my life. And so for a lot of women, That's the truth. They will project or project a problem on someone else and go fix that problem when they have problems at home.
19:09 - 19:37
Lola: Yeah. So we talked about basically all your life experiences that led you to becoming a life coach, right? And helping other women through this. It's, you know, quite frankly, divorce is a big thing. I'm married as well. So I understand what that takes on the toll on you personally, on your finances, on your kids, if you have kids. And so I'm curious, when did you realize, I'm gonna make this a business actually. I'm not just gonna help people. When did you realize you're going to make it a business and how did you transition into that?
19:38 - 20:03
Sade C.: So I had to make it a business. A coach called me and said, hey, I'm putting together, you know, a group of women who want to help, I want to make an impact. And are you interested? I'm like, yeah, of course I want to make an impact. And so it was literally just a coach calling me and saying, Hey, do you want to work with me? And I was like, sure. I literally remember because I, I leaned towards ministry.
20:04 - 20:04
Lola: Okay.
20:05 - 20:32
Sade C.: In, you know, initially just by history and everything. So I had always, I think I assumed that I would go into some kind of ministry with it, but working with the coach and seeing that you can actually, you actually help more people if you are self-sustaining in many ways. And I was like, okay, I think that makes a lot of sense is for it to be self-sustaining and it's evolved. But that I would say that's the genesis of it. It's evolved so many times. I'm not even doing the work that I was doing initially when I
20:32 - 20:33
Sade C.: first started.
20:33 - 20:40
Lola: That's amazing, but that's evolution, like you said. So did you do that while you were working with your current, with your 9
20:40 - 20:49
Sade C.: to 4 year? Yes, 100%. I continued working full time for years until August of 2020 was when I made my 9 to 5. Yes.
20:50 - 21:04
Lola: And if you had to summarize, what would you say are the 2 or 3 things that you did to help you make that transition and also overcome the fare of financial security and the stability of a 9 to 5, what are the 2 or 3 things you did?
21:05 - 21:38
Sade C.: Well, 1 was I learned to, I made the choice to bet on me. Like every time we put our money into something, you're betting on somebody, right? If your money's in the stock market, you're betting on the companies and the men or women who run those companies, right? If your money is a savings, wherever your money is, you're betting on something. And I had grown so much emotionally over the last over the 4 years, leading up to me quitting my job that I was just like, I just really felt like I was the best bet I
21:38 - 22:18
Sade C.: could make. And I really I honestly believe that I believe that I am the best return on investment for every dollar that I have. And when I look at my life, it's actually proven true. I spent years serving the church and in a sense, investing there. But when it came time for a return, the promise of family or the promise of care, the promise of unconditional support didn't yield anything. When I look back at all those years at church, I'm like, dang, if I'd taken that time, I probably would have like 3 PhDs. At least just
22:18 - 22:20
Sade C.: with the time alone.
22:20 - 22:22
Lola: Packing on the degrees.
22:22 - 22:43
Sade C.: Right, just with the time alone, not even counting the energy or even the finances. So when I look at investing, where has the greatest return ever come in my life when I look at my history. It's come from when I bet on myself, when I made a decision, when I said, this is what I'm gonna do and I'm going all in. And so I just went all in on myself.
22:44 - 23:04
Lola: Wow. And then what was that like? What was it like to go all in? Because I'm guessing you had to have a plan to transition out of your day job. You're a 9 to 5, right? And then not the 9 to 5, but in this case, it was in the way of you doing this life coaching, helping people all the way through. You had to make a decision. And so before you made that final decision, were there things you were doing before that?
23:04 - 23:32
Sade C.: So the decision was actually made about a year before I made the transition. I remember January of 2020, I was actually at an event where they say write down your goal for the year. My goal was I was going to quit my job for my birthday. So September, I was like, I'm quitting my job in September, that's going to be my birthday gift to myself. And so I began working towards that. And really what that look was getting up at 5 in the morning to coach my clients at 6. I had clients in the UK. I'd
23:32 - 24:05
Sade C.: coach my UK clients at 6 a.m. And 7 a.m. Then 8.30, I'd sign into work. I'd work my 9 to 5. And then after my 9 to 5, same thing, coaching clients in the evening, and then before bed doing my marketing, my networking, all of that. And I did that for 9 solid months because my client roster continued to grow. Saturdays I'd wake up, there was no sleeping in on Saturdays. I had a 6 a.m. UK client. And then after that, it was like back to back clients until about 11 on Saturday. I had 2 Sunday
24:05 - 24:16
Sade C.: clients, 1 at 2 in the afternoon, 1 at 4 in the afternoon. Like I just put my, I put my clients wherever I could find a spare moment. I just stacked all the clients in there and I did that for 9 solid months.
24:16 - 24:17
Lola: Wow.
24:17 - 24:41
Sade C.: That was the plan that and of course, working on my mindset and my belief and getting coached. I had my own coaches, had a business coach. I had a mindset coach, working with coaches because I believe in the power of coaching, of investing in my brain and in my patterns of thinking. I believe that how I think determines how I show up in the world and determines what I achieve.
24:42 - 25:04
Lola: So that's a perfect segue to my next question. So you actually touched on a couple of things and I didn't even know how we're going to unpack it, but we're just going to try and dive into it. So first thing you said, or the last, let's go backwards. The last thing you said was you believe in the power of coaching. And I recently learned that life coaches, I thought was amazing. And I'm not actually believe in what you're saying. So I think it's almost like if you're looking for a live coach, you check if they have
25:04 - 25:37
Lola: a coach themselves. Yes. I think that will be the takeaway there. And then so just even knowing that you had a life coach or you had a coach, a business coach, other coaches, just to get the mindset ready for that transition. First of all, what were you transitioning it from in the mindset standpoint? Right? There's a lot going on when you decide there's first the let's make a decision when Let's have a goal, right? You said, I'm going to give myself a birthday, give them better myself. OK, let's work. And see the engineer, he was coming
25:37 - 25:56
Lola: out saying, let's work backwards. He came in somewhere. I was asked to, right? I call it process management. And then You're like, OK, day 1, need to find clients. So question there is, how did you find the clients? Or did you have them before? I guess that's the first question. And the second part is, what were you trying to do from a mindset shift?
25:57 - 26:19
Sade C.: Perfect. I love that question. I went through so many mindset evolutions in this process. Oh my gosh, I am such a different person from when I started this process of starting this business. And I already even just this month, I've chosen my growth. I've chosen the kind of person I'm going to be at the end of this month that's different from the person I am right now.
26:20 - 26:21
Sade C.: I love that.
26:21 - 26:57
Sade C.: So it's so good. It's good to be able to look at that transition. Let me work back to the mindset shifts I made. There was a period where, this was probably like 2019, where I had a hard time charging money for what I did. Why? It was like, Oh my God, am I going to charge someone money to help them, to help them out of their divorce situation. These women need help, but that was the people pleaser in me, wanting to help and wanting to fix and not understanding how business works. Business is an exchange of
26:57 - 26:58
Sade C.: value.
26:59 - 27:00
Lola: I love that.
27:00 - 27:30
Sade C.: 100% an exchange of value. You can't have a business if you're not giving value. And you can't have a business if you don't ask your customers to give you equal value back. That's 100% all it is, is business. And you define the value. You define what the value is worth, all of that. But I was coming from the mindset, I was still coming from the church mindset. Right, I had 1 of my fathers in the Lord, you would say would be like, he grew up, I think in the Baptist church or something. And he said their
27:30 - 28:05
Sade C.: saying used to be, Lord, you keep him humble, we'll keep him poor. That's of their pastor. The Lord should keep the pastor humble, the congregation will keep the pastor poor. It's a joke he used to crack. But that was the mindset I was coming in was that it was wrong to make money. There was something wrong with making money that you weren't helping. You were taking advantage of people if you were charging them money and asking for money. But I was also out there speaking and talking and sharing my truth for free every day. I was
28:05 - 28:37
Sade C.: doing Facebook lives. I had a Facebook group. I was doing all these things. And the question I kept asking myself is what's the minimum I can charge? Like what's the minimum I can charge to help these women. And so I was not requiring of my audience to give an equal exchange of value for anything more that they wanted. And so it wasn't working because they would end up walking away, not understanding the value of what I was giving them because I didn't put a value on it. I just, I do a Facebook live or I do
28:37 - 29:00
Sade C.: a speaking thing, all that, and I didn't require them to say, hey, this is what this is worth. And so they didn't take it as being worth that much and they didn't apply it to their lives and they didn't get better. Interesting. So my mindset shift had to evolve to where am I giving? And I still look at everything in terms of calling, like where is God calling me to give?
29:01 - 29:36
Sade C.: And I defined where God was calling me to give. So I actually have charitable organizations that I support. Like I sat down and I said, where am I called to give for free? It's all defined. It's all on auto pay. Like it's not even a question on any day if I am helping, if I am ministering, that's already done. And then beyond that, it's what is the business that I'm running? What is the value that I'm offering? And what is the value exchange that I'm asking of my clients? And so that was a huge mindset shift for
29:36 - 30:12
Sade C.: me. It was just a lot of work. That was 1. Another 1 was, I guess you could say, being in the public eye while having trauma. So you add everything from my childhood to everything in my marriage. And the fact that I was still healing from my divorce, there are particular traumatic, I guess, I don't know, I want to say traumatic incidents that happen that you have to work through. And so every evolution, every transformation you go through, every new level you go through triggers some part of your healing that you need to work through. It's
30:12 - 30:31
Sade C.: just, that's been my experience. I don't know if that's like a scientific or psychological fact, but my journey has been every level calls for me to heal more stuff. So I had gone through a lot of healing. I had actually even healed my relationships. I'd gotten married. I got married right about the time my business took off.
30:32 - 30:32
Lola: You got remarried.
30:33 - 31:06
Sade C.: Remarried, by the time, yeah, remarried. And so there was a lot of healing that led up to that. But going into business then triggered some other parts of my trauma. So I would post on social media, I would post parts of my story and people loved it and they would like it. But then I would feel very uncomfortable with the exposure, very uncomfortable with the spotlight. And it wasn't the kind of uncomfortable that's like, oh, manageable. Like it would be a call to my therapist because I got an award or something.
31:06 - 31:08
Lola: Oh wow. Yeah.
31:09 - 31:43
Sade C.: That kind of like this is too much. And a lot of it came from trauma that I went through with like my stepmother who there was always a punishment waiting if you succeeded in the public light, because she had a ton of her own issues around that. So working through that, because you can't just turn it off, recognizing that it was just a call to heal that part of myself. It was a call to upgrade my self-concept. Because you're showing up in the world like this confident person who's got everything together, but then internally you're still
31:43 - 32:09
Sade C.: working through things. I'm being able to really accept that those 2 things can be true. I can be helping people, I can be an expert at what I do, which I am. And I can also still experience a flashback and say, oh, I'm having a flashback. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. I have all of the tools and techniques to work on it. And I can also reach out for help if I need to.
32:10 - 32:39
Lola: Wow. I mean, again, lots of things to take away from that. So You just validated from your own story that you can still be helping people. You can still be showing up as this confident person. But also you could also be dealing with other things and growing. I think that's if you had to even label that, I put that in the growth mindset concept because you should always be growing, which you said that earlier, you talked about, you should always strive to be the best part of yourself, which love, love the way you laid that out.
32:39 - 33:06
Lola: And so I can see how you need to do the mind shift. And I think it's actually important what you said too. I think a lot of women, especially people who are trying to be business owners, we struggle sometimes with, again, assigning value to what we do because you just want to, you just feel, it's almost like some people call it an imposter syndrome because you're like, Am I really supposed to charge? I feel like I'm doing something. But the truth of the matter is you have to get over that. You have to become confident on
33:06 - 33:25
Lola: how you got there, right? Like you said. And I think it's great that you talked about, again, your mindset. You had to do that mindset shift. And that was part of that transition into the life coaching business. Because if you didn't have that in place, you probably would have faltered at every little challenge that's hiking me when I'm talking a lot of challenges,
33:25 - 34:03
Sade C.: right? Yeah, for sure. And I love that you brought up the imposter syndrome. I refer to it, I prefer the word self-doubt, because it's more universal. And I think self-doubt is the Achilles heel that is continually imposed on women, both by us and by society and by religion. Because think about it, if you can, if you're constantly doubting your own thoughts and feelings and your own decisions, then you're open to being swayed by anybody that comes along. On my podcast, Dating After Divorce, I did a recent episode, it's actually called self doubt and why I married
34:03 - 34:04
Sade C.: my ex.
34:04 - 34:05
Lola: Right.
34:05 - 34:44
Sade C.: Not trusting myself and my own decisions and my own capabilities was literally the reason why I found myself in a toxic marriage. And I see it continually in my clients who are dating. I actually talked to a woman today who, you know, was experiencing all these things in dating and she was questioning, am I being too impatient? Like you're dating a guy for 4 months And then suddenly he says, well, I'm just not ready for relationship. But she's wondering if she's too impatient. Like, oh my God, like way to have so much self doubt. And so
34:44 - 35:15
Sade C.: 1 of the things that I teach my clients, and it's always a thread that runs through all of our work is no, you've got to get to the point where you are solid in yourself. Like you're solid in your thinking processes and you trust your own thinking processes more than you trust anybody else's thinking processes. Why would you trust someone else's thinking more than yours? You're in your own head. You're not in that person's head. You can't even see what's going on in their brain. You have no idea why they're saying what they're saying. Yet we
35:15 - 35:46
Sade C.: seem to be like pressure to trust the other more than ourselves. And so being able to say, okay, maybe I don't trust myself today. What's missing? Why don't I trust myself? Questioning, what is it about me that I'm thinking I don't know? What is it I'm thinking I can't do and doing that mindset work so that you are solid and then that way you can date with confidence you can walk into the office and no 1 can tell you that you're crazy when you're like pointing out this 1 plus 1 is 2 and they're like no
35:46 - 35:56
Sade C.: no no it's 3 if you have self-doubt other people will convince you that 1 plus 1 is 3 and you'll be right there you'll be like yeah maybe they're right right
35:56 - 36:17
Lola: right and so obviously if you talked about in your podcast you have to overcome that on your own I mean I did for yourself and I I read something about actually I heard you say this on another podcast that you once cut out a photo of yourself in a culture mastermind, and you put it inside of a group. I want you to tell the story about what was going on there.
36:18 - 36:19
Sade C.: Oh my gosh.
36:19 - 36:22
Lola: The affirmation that you shared. I hope we can.
36:23 - 37:00
Sade C.: All right. So this is where my woo spiritual faith side comes out. We've talked about the process, the mindset side. I definitely believe in faith as the Bible lays it out. But I actually think that the process of believing something new that you don't believe in the moment. I actually believe that it's there in the Bible. The Bible lays out how to do it and I think it's available to people who are not Christians. Like I've actually been able to, I was part of the faith movement and learned a lot there, but I also see my
37:00 - 37:36
Sade C.: non-Christian friends and my non-Christian colleagues understanding those same principles and in many ways applying them better than Christians do. So I was applying at this particular point in time the process of visualization. Of seeing a vision, and I teach my clients this, of seeing a vision of the future that you want so clearly that it feels real to you today. Like, it's so clear. I teach my clients to do this with the man they want to marry. I'm like, no, no, no. I want you to be so clear that if he walked past you, you would
37:36 - 38:10
Sade C.: be like, oh my god, there he goes. So clear. And it's not visualizing him. It's not about the 6 pack or anything. It's about what he does. What does he do at 6 in the evening? What are his habits? What are his mannerisms? Because certain people who are into certain things will have certain mannerisms, all right? Where would you find him today? So my husband is a reader. I always wanted a reader. I'm a reader. If you look for my husband on any Wednesday afternoon or Saturday afternoon, he's at the local library, carting off books. Again,
38:10 - 38:47
Sade C.: right? So knowing, getting that intimate with the vision that you have helps it come true. And it doesn't come true in a magical way. It's actually very there's a scientific, I don't know if you're scientific, psychology is not always scientific. Sometimes there's like, parts of it that science is like, well, psychology does, but we're not sure what the science is behind it. Your brain has to filter out like so many things in the world. Your eyes taking so much information at any point in time, your ears are constantly taking in information. So your brain has to
38:47 - 39:25
Sade C.: decide what to focus on. And what your brain focuses on is what it's learned is important. So over time, you teach your brain by your responses what's important. So when someone grows up in a toxic household, their brain learns toxic men are important. Because maybe your dad was toxic or your first boyfriend was toxic. So your brain goes out into the world. If it sees a toxic man, it pays attention to him. Interesting. Nice guys are not important because they don't really do anything to us. And so for those kinds of women, they go out into
39:25 - 39:49
Sade C.: the world, they see a nice guy and he doesn't register. But the toxic guy will register. Crazy how that works. It's like when you buy a car. I use this example a lot. You start to see that car everywhere in the world because your brain says, oh, this car in this particular make model and color is important. So let's find it everywhere we go. So I always teach my clients like, listen, you've got to have that, you've got to dial that vision in
39:50 - 39:50
Lola: so
39:50 - 40:20
Sade C.: that you can find this kind of good guy. And if you haven't experienced a lot of good guys, you've got to dial the vision of a good guy in so that your brain will help you find him. So what was going on there, and I've explained the principle behind it now, was I was part of a business coaching program. And there was like a first tier, I didn't realize there were other tiers. So I had just joined the program, I paid $2, 000. It was great. I was like, You know, it was the coach that was
40:20 - 40:40
Sade C.: teaching you how to make like $2, 000 in your, like your first $2, 000 into your first $20, 000, that kind of a thing. I was like, this is great. And literally a month and a half into me being in the program, she announced that applications were open for her 200k mastermind for people who are ready to make $200, 000.
40:41 - 40:45
Sade C.: And I was like, what is this? I'm never gonna get
40:48 - 40:56
Sade C.: $20, 000. I haven't even made $20, 000. This woman is saying she can help people make $200, 000.Â
40:56 - 41:22
Sade C.: Â When am I going to get there? Like my brain just spun out in this like big tantrum. And so I called 1 of my coaches and I was like, what's going on here? I'm never going to make it there. She's like, why would you say you're never going to make it there? The fact that you're here now doesn't mean you're never going to make it there. So, you know, she helped me work on my mind and I was like, okay, okay, I'm good now. And so what I did was I printed out, she had in the email, she had a
41:22 - 41:48
Sade C.: photo of her past 200k mastermind. So I, I printed out the photo. And then I printed out a photo of myself. I cut out my picture of myself and I pasted it as if I was part of the picture. Right? And I was like, I'm just gonna put this here while I work on building my business because 1 day I'm going to be in the 200K mastermind. And last August, I joined the 200K mastermind.
41:48 - 41:49
Lola: That is awesome.
41:49 - 41:54
Sade C.: A little less than a year after I got that email and completely freaked out.
41:55 - 42:01
Lola: Wow. And then there was something you said when you put your face in that group. So 2 words.
42:01 - 42:02
Sade C.: Oh, I said, I belong here.
42:02 - 42:03
Lola: You belong, or 3 words.
42:03 - 42:06
Sade C.: I actually wrote it on top of it. I belong here.
42:06 - 42:10
Lola: I belong here. And that was the visualization of you manifested into your life.
42:10 - 42:10
Sade C.: 100%.
42:11 - 42:11
Sade C.: That
42:11 - 42:34
Lola: next step would be, I love it. And I love that story. And I wanted you to say it in your own words, because I thought when I heard that I was just like, that is what there are a couple of things in there, a couple of takeaways. Again, we've been talking about mindset. I think everything we're trying to do in this world or the purpose we're trying to fulfill is all starts with the mindset and you have to be the gatekeeper of what's going in because that's going to feed what's coming out of you as well.
42:34 - 42:45
Lola: And so when I heard that about you, or when I heard you say that I was like, I didn't even know that he had skipped some steps. I mean, typical night, I just always try to promote.
42:46 - 43:19
Sade C.: Yeah, I mean, what's interesting is on the faith side, that actually that process is laid out in the Bible as well. You think about Jacob when he started working for Laban, and Laban had a flock of sheep that were completely, They didn't have any spots, no spots on them. And Laban said, hey, watch my sheep. And if you have your wages will be any speckled sheep that, or goats, I forget which 1 it is. I mean, when you look genetically, those goats are not going to have speckled babies. But Jacob was like, okay, I got this.
43:20 - 43:36
Sade C.: Right? And he went to the place where the animals would go to eat and drink. And in front of them, he cut out strips of bark. I'm sure I'm missing a few of the details, but the general idea is there. So that the animals were looking at speckles while they ate, while they drank, and while they mated.
43:37 - 43:37
Lola: Wow.
43:38 - 43:40
Sade C.: And then they started having speckled babies.
43:40 - 43:43
Lola: Wow, I didn't even know that story existed in the Bible.
43:43 - 43:46
Sade C.: I told you I've gone back to revisit everything I was taught.
43:47 - 44:13
Lola: No, but I love that though. I actually love, wow. And like you said, everything is in the Bible. It's all about how you interpret the stories and apply them to your life. So along the lines of this journey, because you're on this incredible life journey, transitioning into being a life coach, helping women, working on your mindset, making sure you have these milestones to keep growing. What has been your biggest challenge that you've had to overcome on this journey?
44:13 - 44:32
Sade C.: Wow. Biggest challenge. I think the biggest challenge, if I were to pick 1 that's run through the whole thread, it would be being willing to really look at myself. Being willing to look at myself and tell myself the truth about what's going on with me.
44:33 - 44:50
Sade C.: The truth about what I'm afraid of, the truth about what I'm thinking that doesn't work, that doesn't serve me, the truth about judgments that I make that aren't necessarily factual or useful. Like looking into my own brain. Nobody wants to do that. That's not fun. Right.
44:51 - 44:53
Lola: How were you afraid of at the time?
44:53 - 45:26
Sade C.: Oh, I've been afraid of so many different things at different times, you know. When I was married, I think I was afraid of not, I was afraid of not achieving success as was defined by the Anwar pastors and coal and my culture. This is 1 of the things I used to say, divorce is not an option. But I wasn't saying it because my marriage was healthy, which is when I look back, I'm like, I was saying that subconsciously, I was afraid that divorce was needed. And so I took it off the table so I would never
45:26 - 46:01
Sade C.: have to examine that part of my life. Because my ex was the 1 who filed for a divorce. After I started as toxic as he was, when I started setting boundaries, he was like, no, no, no, no, no, I need the conflict avoidant passive person back. And when I was like, sorry, that girl's gone, he was like, okay, I'm out. So sometimes we make these statements, these very strong statements out of fear of looking at what's real and what's really happening. And sometimes looking at one's emotion, the emotion of shame, sometimes the fear of speaking your
46:01 - 46:36
Sade C.: truth, of saying what needs to be said, like pastors aren't teaching what they ought to teach. Their interpretations of the Bible are potentially wrong. In fact, I'm pretty sure they're wrong. Right? Maybe not Everything is wrong, but for sure in these areas, they're wrong. Or people who have authority, being able to say, this person has a title, but I don't agree with them. I'm being able to live your life according to them. That takes a lot, right? Some of that isn't fun. So being willing to really tell the truth to myself. So I don't know that
46:36 - 47:01
Sade C.: I'm, I tell the truth to like the whole world, like, hopefully, I don't know if I'm considered a scandalous human being. I don't say everything I think. I say, you know, I don't always say everything I think. But I know I think a lot of things that I have. Even if I don't say them, I will tell myself this is the truth of what I think about this situation. I don't always say it. Maybe I'll say it more in the future, more publicly. But for now, just telling myself the truth.
47:02 - 47:11
Lola: Awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. And on the flip side, what's the best advice you've had or received in the journey of becoming this life coach?
47:13 - 47:14
Sade C.: Best advice.
47:14 - 47:52
Sade C.: Yeah. The best advice was actually the flip side of the advice of the hardest thing I did to do came from my attorney. And she was this like old lady who was just a very, She was not, she's not your soft grandma at all. And I remember like early in the divorce, my ex was doing all kinds of things. I mean, he was tearing stuff up. He was tearing stuff up. He was burning things down. And I was just like completely devastated. And I was extremely devastated for my kids. I was like, and I remember sitting there and
47:52 - 47:57
Sade C.: I was telling her, I don't want my kids to go through this. And she was like, well, they're going through it, aren't they?
47:57 - 47:59
Lola: Oh, so just very real.Â
47:59 - 48:30
Sade C.: Yes. And I was like, you know what? They are. Well then, let's do it, right? Like she brought me back down to earth. This is what is happening. Get out of your fairytale brain. Get out of wishing and hoping and wanting and looking for someone to come save you. And why are people being so mean to me and that helpless victim mentality? She was like, this is what's happening. What are you going to do about it? And it, if you snatched my edges right up.
48:32 - 49:02
Lola: That's funny. So I think again, I love actually how this this conversation has gone. I love the fact that we talked about mindset, because I truly believe that it's the it's the foundation of everything we become. Like you said, you mentioned self doubt. That's mindset, right. And so just to transition a little bit, and if I was, and I'm gonna use 1 of my, I love quotes. And so I'm gonna use 1 of my favorite quotes and it's from Steve Jobs. And he says, you can only connect the dots when you look backwards, right? That's the
49:02 - 49:26
Lola: only way you can connect the dots. And so if you had to look back and connect your dots, what would stick out consistently for you? And part of that question too is basically, it's almost like you're going back maybe all the way to childhood like up to what you're doing today, how you became a life coach. What would you say that was?
49:26 - 50:00
Sade C.: Yeah, I would say the major thread or the hindsight is, and in some ways the hindsight is like, there was really nothing I could do about any of it for the most part. Like when I look back, if you talk to the girl who was married, she was gonna go through that journey. Like I was set on that path, even without my own choice. And so that helps me not have a lot of regrets about a lot of things. Like when I look at my childhood dynamic, I experienced a lot of abandonment. Not abandonment like an
50:00 - 50:31
Sade C.: orphan experiences abandonment, But there were certain things that happened that impacted me emotionally in very strong ways. Like I was born in the United States and then when I was 2, which is a really critical time in a child's life, we moved back. Was that was I 2? Yeah, I was 2. We moved back. Okay, I was 2 when we moved back. And when my older siblings tell me some of the things that happened during that time, when you move like that, the parents have a lot that they're dealing with. So you know, they left me
50:31 - 50:46
Sade C.: with cousins and things. So it was like, you know, can you imagine as a 2 year old, you're just suddenly in this like, what's happening? And then of course, the relatives teased me a lot because I had an accent. So like the information I was getting was very confusing.
50:47 - 50:47
Lola: And
50:47 - 51:15
Sade C.: like you said, it's a hindsight, I'm piecing everything together. And then my older siblings went off to boarding school. So there were times when I had a younger sibling, but the people I looked up to weren't there. And then of course, my parents were going through some major issues at that point in time, and they got divorced shortly after. I realized how all of that shaped me and created abandonment issues. If I were to say the thing that really started it all was abandonment issues. Well, nobody did it on purpose. My parents didn't do it on
51:15 - 51:22
Sade C.: purpose. Like my relatives didn't do it on purpose. So like, it was sort of just meant to be.
51:23 - 51:23
Lola: Yeah.
51:24 - 52:00
Sade C.: You know, like nobody in that area knew any better. And so I grew up with abandonment issues, which then made me engage the world in certain ways. It made me develop people-pleasing behaviors and of course then there was the additional traumas as you went along and my father's remarriage, all of that stuff just added to it. And so I was a people pleaser. By the time I was like a teenager, I was firmly set, rule keeper, people pleaser, self-doubting. It was just the way things were. And so that is what I continually like work with. I
52:00 - 52:32
Sade C.: continually question myself, not question myself in the sense that I doubt myself, but I continually self-reflect. Maybe that's a better word. I continually self-reflect on what has brought me here knowing that I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes because I was just kind of like, this is just your path. But I also then I'm thankful because I'm like, okay, but I'm also an adult and I have agency. So I'm not doomed to continue on any path that I was set on. I have so much agency and so much ability to change, to grow, to read,
52:32 - 52:40
Sade C.: to choose a path, to weigh what works, what doesn't work and do things differently. So why not? And if that answers the questions.
52:40 - 52:55
Lola: Yeah, it shows how you were able to look back and see how you got to where you were, or where you are today and not have regrets. Cause once you have regrets, there's nothing you can do about it. You just live with it. You can't go back in time. You can't add more time. It is what it is.
52:55 - 53:12
Sade C.: And the regrets often will help, will make you beat yourself up. Like you'll call you. So that just adds to the shame, adds to the pain, adds to the self-doubt. Like if I was looking at my 21 year old and telling her, what a stupid girl, how could you have married that guy? What is wrong with you? Like she was just, she couldn't have done
53:12 - 53:12
Sade C.: anything different,
53:12 - 53:36
Sade C.: right? If she knew, she would have done better. She just didn't know, she just didn't know any better. But now I know better. So for sure, I'm going to do things differently. And in a sense as an adult now or more whole adult, I can better anticipate how to live. So that's the beauty of being older is I can say, okay, how do I avoid all these things that have always been a part of my life?
53:36 - 53:49
Lola: Yeah, I like that. I like that. So because you said you went to school in Lagos, I have to ask another essential, essential question. Which boarding house did you go to? I mean, which 1 did you go to? You know, you have to plant your flag.
53:49 - 53:51
Sade C.: The best of the best, Queens College.
53:51 - 53:52
Lola: I knew you were going to say Queens
53:53 - 53:54
Sade C.: College. Of course.
53:54 - 53:55
Lola: I mean, come
53:55 - 54:05
Sade C.: on. Yes. Yes. Proudly, proudly Queens College girl. However, little caveat, I was actually accepted to the gifted program when I was informed to
54:05 - 54:06
Lola: Oh, wow.
54:06 - 54:29
Sade C.: So I had to leave Queens College, which was an interesting trajectory. Like, I sometimes I wonder what if I hadn't left, because some people who got accepted didn't leave, They stayed and just graduated at Queens College. So sometimes I wonder how that would have gone. And so then I ended up with 1 stop at Ilorin I ended up at the Suleja Academy. Okay, government Academy. Yeah, that's where I graduated from.
54:29 - 54:33
Lola: So you're only in QC for like 2 seconds. So you can only claim.
54:33 - 54:36
Sade C.: What? No, a year and a half is solid year and a half.
54:36 - 54:38
Lola: I'll give it to you. Were you a boarder or a day student?
54:38 - 54:40
Sade C.: I was a boarder for 1 semester.
54:41 - 54:48
Lola: Take your points back again. You know, it's a different experience if you're a boarder.
54:48 - 54:57
Sade C.: Completely different but the rest of my the rest of my experience in Ilorin and Abuja were boarding schools so I still got the boarding school experience. In fact I got I think the
54:57 - 54:58
Lola: ones I
54:58 - 55:05
Sade C.: got there were harsher. At least in Queen's College nobody caned anybody. Ilorin The seniors would cane you.
55:05 - 55:08
Lola: That's just abuse. But we're not going to get into that.
55:09 - 55:12
Sade C.: I never got caned. They caned some people.
55:12 - 55:28
Lola: Who does that? But anyway, so we're going to go into a lightning round now. And it's a couple of questions. I know fun, fun stuff. Before we do that, I actually have this 1 question. So did you meet your husband in the library? Because you said he loved to read. My current husband? Yes, your current husband.
55:28 - 55:31
Sade C.: No, I did not. But if I had been smarter,
55:32 - 55:33
Sade C.: I would have.
55:34 - 55:36
Sade C.: Right? Actually, I met him online.
55:37 - 55:37
Lola: Oh, cool.
55:37 - 55:42
Sade C.: Which was interesting because I was looking for him at like book signings and conferences.
55:43 - 55:45
Lola: So still tied to a book though. Yeah.
55:45 - 55:49
Sade C.: Oh Yeah. I knew my husband was going to be a reader. I was like, yeah, I knew exactly what I
55:49 - 56:00
Lola: was looking for. Yeah. I already knew what you wanted. I always love to know what drives or what motivates people, again, feeding the mindset. So quotes or books, you have to tell me a favorite 1 and why. You can choose any category.
56:01 - 56:02
Sade C.: Oh, my favorite book.
56:02 - 56:09
Lola: Yeah, maybe maybe you could talk about your favorite book or a book that you last read that inspired you. Well,
56:09 - 56:44
Sade C.: that's kind of convenient because I'm currently reading Marilynne Robinson's housekeeping. So I love her work, like love, love, love her books. Like they're just haunting and so real about humanity and they're spiritual. So I just adore her books and bringing that back to my husband. I think I was, I knew I liked him, but about 3 weeks in, we were driving somewhere. And I forget what the conversation was, but we found out that we both like Marilynne Robinson. If he was going to leave me for somebody, he would leave me for Marilynne Robinson. That's how much
56:44 - 57:22
Sade C.: he loves her work. And I had never met a person who had read her books. No 1 in my circle knew who this woman was, loved her books, nothing. I was just like, what, what is this? So yeah, so I would say Marilynne Robinson for helping me recognize that he was the 1. Yeah, her books are her books are just amazing. She writes about faith, crises of faith. Her most recent work is actually reading the the first 5 books of the of the Bible. So she's gone and like the further Pentateuch and like really looked at
57:22 - 57:26
Sade C.: race and humanity through those 5 books. That's what she's currently working on now.
57:26 - 57:33
Lola: Cool. I wasn't expecting that answer. I love it. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. And then what is your greatest accomplishment?
57:36 - 58:08
Sade C.: Overcoming my own self-doubt. Closely tied to anxiety. So like being able to manage the feelings that come up when I'm trying to do something that I know I can do. I know I want to do yet you feel that thing on the inside of you just holding you back. That is a very real thing. I know a lot of women experience that And I've worked through it. Like when I, when it comes up, I made friends with it. You can still be there.Â
58:12 - 58:42
Sade C.: Yeah, yeah. That if you watch Lord of the Rings, the little Gollum guy, yeah, love the ring, and they needed him for the journey. So those fears and anxieties and self doubt and you know, things that have come from trauma, they're always with me, but now I'm at a place where I'm like, okay, no, I know how to handle you. I know how to take care of you. I know how to not let those things stop me anymore. And so every accomplishment I have now is as a result of that accomplishment.
58:43 - 58:54
Lola: Oh, I like that. Oh, that's very inspiring. I like that. And so I guess this is closely related. What words do you live by? What's your motto? Okay.
58:54 - 59:30
Sade C.: I have several. 1 is I'm unconditionally worthy of love. You know, I'm unconditionally worthy of being cared for. I'm unconditionally valuable on this planet. Even if I never did anything or worked at anything or showed up for anything, my existence on this planet is valuable. That was a lesson also learned from working through not feeling good enough, not working hard enough, you know, all those things. So that I live by, remind myself of that every day so that I don't postpone my joy until after I've accomplished something. I can live every day and be happy. That's
59:30 - 59:39
Sade C.: 1 set of words I live by. Another 1 closely related to working through procrastination and anxiety and all those things is I can handle it.
59:39 - 59:55
Sade C.: I can handle anything that comes. Literally, I can handle like, yeah, what is the thing? It may not be fun to handle it but I can handle it
59:55 - 59:59
Lola: well I like what you said about not postponing your joy I think that is
01:00:00 - 01:00:05
Lola: Very important every day. What is your greatest fear?
01:00:10 - 01:00:44
Sade C.: My greatest fear, I think currently, I've had many greatest fears. I think 1 that I'm letting go of now, because in many ways it's resolved, was really that I would die before my kids were able to take care of themselves. So when you divorce the kind of person that I did, Your greatest fear is that you won't be there to protect them. Wow. Yeah. So that was like with me all day, every day for many, many years. It was a prayer. I used to pray. I was like, God, just let me live long enough for them
01:00:44 - 01:01:04
Sade C.: to be okay. Wow. Outside of my kids, my greatest fear is not fulfilling my potential of knowing I could have done something and I didn't do it. I didn't figure it out. I didn't overcome the fears that I had around it,
01:01:05 - 01:01:08
Sade C.: that I showed up with potential and people saw it.
01:01:08 - 01:01:15
Sade C.: And I just never, you know, I never executed on the things that I know I can do.
01:01:16 - 01:01:33
Lola: Wow, that is profound. All right, okay. So 1, actually I have 2 more questions for you. And just given the name of this podcast and what we're striving to do, I have to ask your thoughts on destiny, because you talked about fulfilling your calling earlier. What are your thoughts on destiny?
01:01:34 - 01:02:17
Sade C.: Wow. I believe we have a destiny, but I think it's very flexible. And I think it's just something we chase down to right to the end. All right. I think there are, there are like signposts to your destiny, your personality, your gifts, your talents, and those things that you're born with, then attach themselves to like things in your environment. And those then inform how your destiny unfolds. And I believe your force of will is also a part of it. How badly do you want it? You know, that has to come into play as well. So I
01:02:17 - 01:02:44
Sade C.: believe it's very fluid. It's very flexible. I believe it can change and morph. But I believe at the heart of it all, that God is like a loving father who is like proud of you, whichever way you go with it. It's like you have this dad who's going to be proud of his daughter, no matter what. If she writes a book, he's proud. If she becomes a doctor, he's proud. If she becomes a housewife, he's proud. I think that's how God is when it comes to our destiny. He's like, I've given you all this stuff. Like
01:02:44 - 01:02:49
Sade C.: just run with it. Do what you want. What do you want to do with it? And he's just always proud.
01:02:49 - 01:03:19
Lola: I love that. Love that. That's a great, great answer. Thank you for giving us your thoughts on that. And I think it's varied across the board. I mean, everyone has their own way of interpreting what destiny is to them and how it manifests in their lives. All right. So we're almost done. As 1 of our women guests, I've asked everyone this. What 3 words and it's 3 words. So let the Nigerian you come out 3 words to describe you as the Kadara woman.
01:03:19 - 01:03:20
Sade C.: I'm resourceful.
01:03:21 - 01:03:38
Sade C.: So resource, I guess this is why I realized that that was 3 words already. I am resourceful. Resourceful. Okay. Valuable, Powerful.
01:03:39 - 01:03:47
Lola: Last final advice to anyone listening and you know, they just need to just make that next step. What would you say? How?
01:03:47 - 01:03:48
Sade C.: Bet on yourself.
01:03:50 - 01:04:02
Sade C.: Like that's just the best advice I can give anyone. Whatever that looks like for you. And I think everyone comes to this realization at some point. It's like, oh my God, all these people I was looking at, they didn't really know what I thought they knew.
01:04:04 - 01:04:08
Lola: Not the truth. They weren't really smarter than me. They weren't really better than me.
01:04:08 - 01:04:31
Sade C.: I was just kind of like doubting myself. I would say bet on yourself. So if that looks like getting a coach to help you better on yourself, then bet, you know, bet on yourself by developing yourself. If it means starting that business, if it means going after that goal, like just you are awesome. Whoever you are, what you are awesome, you have it all, it's all in you. Just get on the path where you can bring it out.
01:04:33 - 01:04:38
Lola: Ooh, wow. And there you have it. Thank you, Sade. That was awesome. Thank you for your time today.
01:04:38 - 01:04:45
Sade C.: My pleasure. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. This was such a fun podcast to record. Thank you. Thank you for your
01:04:45 - 01:05:17
Lola: time. Thank you for tuning in to this episode with Sade Curry. Sade's story is a powerful reminder of the strength and resilience within each of us. I hope your takeaways from this episode leave you feeling inspired to better yourself just as Shadi did. Remember her words, you're awesome, you have it all, it's all in you, just get on the path where you can bring it out. So whether it's challenging your self-doubt, re-examining your beliefs, or even taking that for a step towards a major life change, I hope Shaday's story gives you the courage to move forward.
01:05:17 - 01:05:56
Lola: If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and share with a friend. Who could use some inspiration today? With your support, we can continue to amplify these untold female African stories. You can also follow us on social media at Kadara Woman. Thanks again for listening and until then, this is Lola reminding you that you have the power to write your own story. Keep challenging the status quo and never stop believing in yourself. See you next time on the Kadara Woman podcast. This podcast was created, produced, and recorded by Lola Soyebo Harris and sound edited by Mo Isu. The Kadara Woman podcast is a production of Kadara Media.